I know it’s been a while and for that, I’m sorry! My life has been turned upside down since I was last here. I graduated, I’ve been on the job hunt, and now I’ve been preparing for my first professional interviews. It seems like my days consist only of training, work, coaching, and job hunting. It’s been a tiring few months, but it’s so exciting to watch my hard work unfold before my eyes.

For the last few months, every training session has been the focus of the 2017 University Nationals. All the bad days and all the good days culminated into six (well, four) singular moments on that stage in Gainesville, Florida. Mike and I had huge goals going into this meet. We were planning for big things, like a spot on the University World Team. But everything changed after weigh ins, my only competition didn’t make weight. And the only thing I had to do was hit lifts. The entire game had changed. For the last three months I was prepared to compete, mentally, physically, emotionally, only to discover it was me against myself. That is an entirely different ball game.

Sure, if you’ve seen my posted total, many would think, “She won?” I know that was my thought after taking home all six gold medals. I was a tad embarrassed, embarrassed that I put up the worst total I’ve lifted in the last year, embarrassed that I couldn’t walk to get out for my last two clean and jerks. I still, to this second have not looked at the results, nor will I.

However, after discovering that the playing field had changed, the game had changed, and that is one of the most intriguing components of this sport. My goals had changed. They were always to win, but win while competing, not against myself, but against an opponent. My goals had shifted and I only had to hit openers to win gold. Though it seemed simple, the pressure was taxing.

I took some deep breaths and remembered all of the reasons why I was there. First and foremost being that I love this sport. I have fallen deeply in love with a sport that develops each person as a weightlifter and a person. I’ve learned more about myself since beginning this journey than I have my entire life. And I think that’s a beautiful thing. So often people walk around wondering who they are and what’s their purpose. I know mine, every single day I walk into the gym with goals bigger than most people would ever dare to dream. And I know that it will take time and so much hard work, but I’ll get there. There’s not a single doubt in my mind that I will.

While waiting to warm up, I closed my eyes to think about how I got there. Only eight months ago I couldn’t lift, I couldn’t squat, I couldn’t sit without pain. I met Tamra, who you should all know so well by now, and she changed my life. She taught me how to walk, sit, brace, lift properly, without pain. There were so many instances in the last eight months where I was unsure if I’d be able to lift, let alone lift competitively again. She, however, never doubted that I’d be unfit to lift. So many sessions were spent updating her on my body, so many late nights were spent in her office, fitting me in when she had the chance. She would fly in from her adventures and treat me late that night. So much of this was for Tamra, because without her, I sure as hell wouldn’t be lifting weights and I sure as hell wouldn’t be a University National Champion.

I was there for Mike, the coach who taught me so much about weightlifting. The man who opens his house if I can’t afford to stay anywhere else when I come to lift with him. The man who believes in me every single day, who encourages me to be better every single day. So often I doubt myself, but whenever I do, I find myself thinking of Mike. I know that he sees far beyond what I see. I trust him and this journey that we’re on more than I’ve ever trusted in anything in my life. I was there for Mike.

I was there for everyone at home, especially my parents. Regardless of what it was, they have supported anything I set my mind to, never attempting to deter my dreams. They supported my decision to go back to school and my decision to drop all things and lift. They are the reason why I am able to fill my days with things that I genuinely love and enjoy. They are the reason I am able to wake up every morning and chase the things that mean the most to me. I wake up everyday with this bright fire that wouldn’t still be lit had I never had their support and encouragement.

I was there for my Absolute Strength Team. Never have I ever walked into a single place where I feel so much love and support. From my kids (yes, I call my youth athletes my kids), particularly Danny and Elizabeth. So often do we forget that by simply being and living everyday, we impact the lives of those younger than us and those around us in general. I wake up, I train, I work, I coach. I do it all over again everyday. But this cycle impacts those around me more than I could ever know. I set an example for those who don’t yet understand what it means to be a part of a process. I coach these guys three days a week and every single day I am thankful that I have the opportunity to impact their lives in a positive way. I can prove that hard work and determination can result in great things. This was for them.

This was for the rest of the Absolute Strength Gym community, all of my friends who continually believe in me through good days and bad days. Alex, who has made made more of an impact on my life than she may realize (though I know she does). Jose, who fits my massages into his schedule so I don’t die. Mike, who continues to deal with my dramatics through all of our weightlifting sessions, choosing to come in early, so we don’t have to lift alone. Everyone at this gym is part of my journey in a different way and I am so thankful that I get to call this community of wonderful humans, mine.

This was for Sarah, one of the most incredible humans I’ve ever met. She keeps me grounded when I go astray, she keeps me calm when I’m ready to explode, and most of all, she truly believes when I don’t. So many dance moves were for you this weekend. I am so upset that you couldn’t be there to hug me and hold me throughout this weekend, but you were there all the same. Thank you, Sarah for being the parts of me that I can’t be at times, and reminding me that I can be my best at others. I am so thankful. This was for you.

Lastly, this was for Rob, my first real coach. The first person to light any kind of fire inside of me, the first person to believe that I can be great, the first person to realize my potential. Thank for taking me to where I am, because had it not been for you, the last year and a half wouldn’t have happened. Thank you for the push to sign me up for my first weightlifting meet, and holding me up for my first Senior Nationals, for your understanding when I’m uneven, and for your support today. I wouldn’t be me today without you and I sure as hell wouldn’t have come home with six gold medals had I not had your consistent encouragement. This was for you.

Before beginning my warm-up, I thought about all of the people who love and support me every single day. I decided that this isn’t just for me. It wasn’t just for me because if it were only about me, I wouldn’t be where I am today. It’s bigger than just me. It never was just about me, it’s about every single person who ever invested their time in me, who believed in me, when I often don’t believe in myself. It was about the support that is the community in which I surround myself daily.

So when I took to that stage, I had no doubt. Did things turn out as planned? Nope. They rarely do. Did I think I’d only going out for one clean and jerk when the real goal was 85-87? Nope. But obstacles are part of any game, any game that’s worth winning. I learned so much about myself on Friday. I learned when to fight and when to walk away (or, be carried away). I learned that competing against an opponent is often easier than competing against yourself, and I learned that I have one of the most incredible support systems anyone could ask for.

For anyone who has supported me and my journey, thank you.