Growth

Hey, friends! I know it’s been a while and for that, I apologize. Since this semester began, I’ve been up, down, and all around. But let’s be real, I wouldn’t have it any other way. So many things have happened in the last few months and everything that’s happened involves one thing: growth. Whether it’s fast or slow, progress is still progress and I’ve learned a lot about progress since I’ve last written anything here.

I left off on my issues; how it’s important to make the best of everyday with what you’re given. This is just the first of many lessons I’ve learned in the past two months.

Let’s rewind just a bit. At the end of August, I started seeing a physical therapist for my pelvic floor issues. As it turns out, my pelvic floor muscles were almost nonexistent and, if I had continued lifting with these issues, weightlifting, for me, wouldn’t be a long term thing. But as cliche as it sounds, everything happens for a reason. This setback was necessary for me to get to where I am now: confident that I’m graduating in a month.

A few months ago, I was dreading graduation, on the hunt for part-time jobs, and sure I was going to ride out the broke life and dedicate myself to this sport. Someone had other plans. School had been put on the back burner as I viciously chased my weightlifting dreams everyday in the gym. But what happens when your dreams have no choice but to be put on hold? You get your priorities straight, that’s what happens.

I focused on physical therapy, on getting better, on the things that I had the power to control, and one day, my pelvic floor would be another thing to add to that list. I spent more time at the Princeton Theological Seminary Library, adding another day to my interning schedule. I remember what it was like to be a student, enjoying class after two months off. I embraced everything that was happening, especially since competing at University Nationals wasn’t one of those things.

I had been training for Unis all summer to withdraw just a few short weeks before the competition. Sure, it was really difficult at the time, having worked hours upon hours a week for this. Having sweat for this, having missed family functions and ditching friends for this, but looking back, these pelvic floor issues, caught up with me at the perfect time.

My last blog referenced The Obstacle is the Way more than once and I’ll do it again. “The only guarantee, ever, is that things will go wrong. The only thing we can use to mitigate this is anticipation. Because the only variable we control completely is ourselves.” Me. I could control me. And I did.

I still went to University Nationals, but not as an athlete, as a coach. I watched my friends’ fantastic and courageous performances. I saw competition through a different lens, a lens that will, in turn, make me a better athlete, a lens that relight the fire that, I thought, was burning out.

That lens allowed me to not only apply this persistence to weightlifting, but the rest of my life as well. What better time to grow up than now? Graduation is around the corner, I’m on the mend so countless hours in the gym is unnecessary. Like I said before, everything happens for a reason and timing is everything.

A few months ago, if you had asked me about my plans post graduation, I’d have given you my bit on academic libraries, while, in my head, I was thinking about weightlifting. But now, after months of getting my priorities in order, I can confidently explain what I’d like my future to depict: I’m looking for a job where I can immerse myself in information involving books, preferably older, rarer texts, that preserve history. I want to make these devices available for all users, not just the scholarly. I want to create a world for myself where information can be shared simply and creatively. I want all these things and I want to lift. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I really like “The Lifting Librarian” label I’ve got going on. Honestly, it might make a wonderful marketing campaign one day, but what’s the sense if I don’t live it daily. In order to embody both halves, I have to practice both halves. And these last few months, I most definitely have. Between the various opportunities I’ve had at Princeton to my journey on the road to recovery, I have learned more about myself than I ever have before. And through all of these winding roads that I’ve been frequenting over the last few months, I’ve finally found my way.

Writing this the night before my first professional conference makes me reflect on how far I’ve come as a person since this semester began. I’m no longer preaching about being the forever student (though it’d be nice), but I’m now welcoming the challenges that will arise in this next stage in my life.

It’s an incredible thing, adversity, because often times, it forces us to take a step back, reevaluate, and progress forward with a blazing fire.